222 lines
5.9 KiB
PHP
222 lines
5.9 KiB
PHP
<?php
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$subtitles = array(
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// Press F to pay respects
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"For those afflicted",
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// F
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"We don't fuck dragons",
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// F
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"Synapse a shit, use XMPP",
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// F
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"cowfee",
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"gween tea",
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"You shot it into the fucking sand",
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"Your ball's in the lake",
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"It's in the fucking trees, Mike",
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"I don't even play golf",
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"7-Wood was too obscure",
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"We don't go to 8iron",
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"Hits like a gravity hammer",
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"Try it on mobile",
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"Please don't try it on mobile",
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// The joke is I'm not on Facebook and never have
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// har har
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"Find me on Facebook",
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"I wanna be the guy",
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"I <3 cockmail",
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"Five is right out",
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"Lorem ipsum suck my dick",
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"foo",
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"Test subtitle please ignore",
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"Hit me up on fedi",
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"suya..",
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"Pour one out for welovela.in",
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"We all love Lain",
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"玲音",
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"レイン",
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"ＬＡＩＮ",
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"I'll play Risk of Rain 2 any day",
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"Feelin' pretty fresh workin' nights",
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"Leopard geckos are cute",
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"Finally, a good fucking subtitle",
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"Will shitpost for attention",
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"Will shitpost for literally nothing",
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"Will write HTML for attention",
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"Maybe one day",
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"Test bed for chaos",
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"Botania best mod. Fight me.",
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"KingLemming is awesome",
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"asie knows what he's talking about",
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"Redigit is an amazing studio",
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"Great Barrier Reef",
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"This match is just about over",
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"Better change tactics",
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"honk.wmv",
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"bomk",
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"guys literally only want one thing",
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"Dame da ne~!",
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"You can't look up with your tongue out",
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"ばかみたい",
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"Smug animu",
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"wan",
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"Touch fluffy tail",
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"Hard to find",
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"Tiny Little Adiantum",
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"Night of Nights",
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"Marisa stole the precious thing",
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"Clown best tofu",
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"It's gonna be alright",
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"P.E.T.R.O.L. is a great song",
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"Rest in RIP, WipEout",
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"Get out of my face",
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"You are smart",
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"You aren't smart",
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"Firefox takes 8MB to render this page",
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"I think this site was worth the effort",
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"This site was not worth the effort",
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"At some point I'm gonna redo the CSS here",
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"I've already redone the CSS like 5 times",
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"Discord's pinning a core right now",
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"Slack's pinning a core right now",
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"gcc's pinning all of my cores right now",
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"Steam's choking my link right now",
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"Larry Ellison needs a new goddamn boat",
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"Like tears in rain",
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"Like a lizard",
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"Shave and a haircut",
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"Lain in a bear suit",
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"Let's get this out onto a tray. Nice. Mmkay.",
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"This space intentionally left blank",
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"Banned in Australia",
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"Banned in Australia(?)",
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"I want a PSP again",
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"Anybody remember Dark Alex?",
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"5.00-M33",
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"0xDEADBEEF",
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"0xBEEFBEEF",
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"0xBEEEEEEF",
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"0xBEF",
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"My Switch runs Linux",
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"StackOverflow is the best",
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"StackOverflow is the worst",
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"Don't go overboard",
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"God I hate reddit",
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"Bert",
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"ディスコード", // Discordo, case you were wondering
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"disukodo",
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"\"it says discordo\"",
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"\"Nice.\"",
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// - Me, all the fucking time
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"\"Is that THE Simon Belmont Castlevania?\"",
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// - Me, irritating Sam
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"\"My heart runs Linux\"",
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// - Me, context forgotten
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"\"Brett has Mrs. Chapman nipples\"",
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// - Me
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"\"I suck a lot of dick, get over here\"",
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// - Brett
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"\"This was worth sucking dick\"",
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// - Brett
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"laddr",
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// - Brett
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"\"100% of people that get killed die\"",
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// - Brett
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"\"I don't like prison\"",
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// - Brett
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"\"Be grody on my back. Wait-\"",
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// - Brett
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"\"Let's get this cock onto a tray!\"",
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// - Brett
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"\"This is Hell, they are all prostitutes.\"",
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// - Jordyn
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"\"Isn't an asshole like a brass instrument?\"",
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// - Jordyn
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"\"Sir, this is an M32 grenade launcher\"",
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// - Jacob https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJRkFLFnv3c
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"\"OHNO!\"",
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// - Jacob
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"\"Much edge\"",
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// - Jacob
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"\"Oh it's a bear\"",
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// - Lea, moments before being mauled by a grizzly bear
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"\"I'm in danger!\"",
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// - At least four of us, constantly shittalking
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"\"He got cancer and became a Nazi\"",
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// - Carson
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"\"I died twice, but I only died once\"",
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// - Carson
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"\"Sir, this is a 7-11\"",
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// - Carson
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"\"Jumanji\"",
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// - Carson?
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"\"Who's Adobe?\"",
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// - Carson
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"\"Weird hour-having fucks\"",
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// - Carson
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"\"Leonidas is a disease\"",
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// - Syd
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"\"Calories don't have vegetables\"",
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// - Syd
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"\"Cancer is basically a kid\"",
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// - Syd
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"\"I'm gonna fart. I'm gonna-\"",
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// - Tex of BPL, just before he farts medical into the next universe
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"\"Double-bitched out of love~\"",
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// - vampqu33n
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"\"Fixing PHP is like coming home\"",
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// - JE
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"\"Now the Nazi party thinks I'm their little pogchamp\"",
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// - Jacob, after I said he's my little pogchamp
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"\"They're children you thirsty whores\"",
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// - Sam
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"\"Pichu is illegal\"",
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// - Sam
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"\"DEDEDE FUCKS\"",
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// - Sam
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"\"Imagine 'Blades of Glory' but they fuck\"",
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// - Also Sam
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"\"There's no D in BDSM\"",
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// - Rachael
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"God dammit, Sam",
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"God dammit, Jacob",
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"God dammit",
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"Cancer sucks. 0/10",
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"Depression's alright. 3/10",
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"[cat scratching at door]",
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"[dog barks in the distance]",
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"[duvet plays in the distance]",
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"[vocaloid plays in the distance]",
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"[forge crashes in the distance]",
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"[ansible noises]",
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"[powerline noises]",
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"[cyberpunk jazz noises]",
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"[satire intensifies]",
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"[maniacal laughter]",
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"[laughter, then disappointment]",
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"I'm a professional, trust me",
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"Nobody's a professional",
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"PM_ME_ANSIBLE_ROLES",
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"PM_ME_SUBTITLE_IDEAS",
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"PM_ME_BOTANIA_SETUPS",
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"PM_ME_IM_LONELY",
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"Not to be confused with plan 9",
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"Not to be confused with 9front",
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"The front fell off",
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"4th edition",
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"5th edition with author's notes",
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"Mr. Worldwide edition",
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"Nobody reads this edition",
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"Random subtitles edition",
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"Shenanigans edition",
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"Using PHP for shitty jokes edition",
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"No backing database edition",
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"Motherfucking website edition",
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"Licensed under MIT edition",
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"Absolutely no scripts edition",
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"Now SFW edition",
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"NSFW edition?",
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"NSFW edition"
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);
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$message = $subtitles[array_rand($subtitles, 1)];
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echo "$message";
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?>
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