245 lines
6.4 KiB
PHP
245 lines
6.4 KiB
PHP
<?php
|
||
$subtitles = array(
|
||
// Press F to pay respects
|
||
"For those afflicted",
|
||
// F
|
||
"We don't fuck dragons",
|
||
// F
|
||
"Synapse a shit, use XMPP",
|
||
// F
|
||
"cowfee",
|
||
"gween tea",
|
||
"You shot it into the fucking sand",
|
||
"Your ball's in the lake",
|
||
"It's in the fucking trees, Mike",
|
||
"I don't even play golf",
|
||
"7-Wood was too obscure",
|
||
"We don't go to 8iron",
|
||
"Hits like a gravity hammer",
|
||
"Try it on mobile",
|
||
"Please don't try it on mobile",
|
||
// The joke is I'm not on Facebook and never have
|
||
// har har
|
||
"Find me on Facebook",
|
||
"I wanna be the guy",
|
||
"I <3 cockmail",
|
||
"Five is right out",
|
||
"Lorem ipsum suck my dick",
|
||
"foo",
|
||
"Test subtitle please ignore",
|
||
"Hit me up on fedi",
|
||
"suya..",
|
||
"Pour one out for welovela.in",
|
||
"We all love Lain",
|
||
"玲音",
|
||
"レイン",
|
||
"ＬＡＩＮ",
|
||
"I'll play Risk of Rain 2 any day",
|
||
"Feelin' pretty fresh workin' nights",
|
||
"Leopard geckos are cute",
|
||
"Finally, a good fucking subtitle",
|
||
"Will shitpost for attention",
|
||
"Will shitpost for literally nothing",
|
||
"Will write HTML for attention",
|
||
"Maybe one day",
|
||
"Test bed for chaos",
|
||
"Botania best mod. Fight me.",
|
||
"KingLemming is awesome",
|
||
"asie knows what he's talking about",
|
||
"Redigit is an amazing studio",
|
||
"Great Barrier Reef",
|
||
"This match is just about over",
|
||
"Better change tactics",
|
||
"honk.wmv",
|
||
"bomk",
|
||
"Degenerate",
|
||
"guys literally only want one thing",
|
||
"Dame da ne~!",
|
||
"You can't look up with your tongue out",
|
||
"ばかみたい",
|
||
"Smug animu",
|
||
"wan",
|
||
"Touch fluffy tail",
|
||
"Hard to find",
|
||
"Tiny Little Adiantum",
|
||
"Night of Nights",
|
||
"Marisa stole the precious thing",
|
||
"Clown best tofu",
|
||
"It's gonna be alright",
|
||
"P.E.T.R.O.L. is a great song",
|
||
"Rest in RIP, WipEout",
|
||
"Get out of my face",
|
||
"You are smart",
|
||
"You aren't smart",
|
||
"Firefox takes 8MB to render this page",
|
||
"I think this site was worth the effort",
|
||
"This site was not worth the effort",
|
||
"At some point I'm gonna redo the CSS here",
|
||
"I've already redone the CSS like 5 times",
|
||
"Discord's pinning a core right now",
|
||
"Slack's pinning a core right now",
|
||
"gcc's pinning all of my cores right now",
|
||
"Steam's choking my link right now",
|
||
"Larry Ellison needs a new goddamn boat",
|
||
"Like tears in rain",
|
||
"Like a lizard",
|
||
"Shave and a haircut",
|
||
"Lain in a bear suit",
|
||
"Let's get this out onto a tray. Nice. Mmkay.",
|
||
"This space intentionally left blank",
|
||
"Banned in Australia",
|
||
"Banned in Australia(?)",
|
||
"I want a PSP again",
|
||
"Anybody remember Dark Alex?",
|
||
"5.00-M33",
|
||
"0xDEADBEEF",
|
||
"0xBEEFBEEF",
|
||
"0xBEEEEEEF",
|
||
"0xBEF",
|
||
"My Switch runs Linux",
|
||
"StackOverflow is the best",
|
||
"StackOverflow is the worst",
|
||
"Don't go overboard",
|
||
"God I hate reddit",
|
||
"Bert",
|
||
"ディスコード", // Discordo, case you were wondering
|
||
"disukodo",
|
||
"\"it says discordo\"",
|
||
"\"Nice.\"",
|
||
// - Me, all the fucking time
|
||
"\"Is that THE Simon Belmont Castlevania?\"",
|
||
// - Me, irritating Sam
|
||
"\"My heart runs Linux\"",
|
||
// - Me, context forgotten
|
||
"\"Brett has Mrs. Chapman nipples\"",
|
||
// - Me
|
||
"\"28 - 6 >= Fuck You\"",
|
||
// - Me
|
||
"\"I fuck dirt\"",
|
||
// - Me
|
||
"\"Glorious Soviet manmeat\"",
|
||
// - Me
|
||
"\"Ah shit, soap! I'm getting hard!\"",
|
||
// - Me
|
||
"\"Tom Nook has whores in stock\"",
|
||
// - Me
|
||
"\"I suck a lot of dick, get over here\"",
|
||
// - Brett
|
||
"\"This was worth sucking dick\"",
|
||
// - Brett
|
||
"laddr",
|
||
// - Brett
|
||
"\"100% of people that get killed die\"",
|
||
// - Brett
|
||
"\"I don't like prison\"",
|
||
// - Brett
|
||
"\"Be grody on my back. Wait-\"",
|
||
// - Brett
|
||
"\"Let's get this cock onto a tray!\"",
|
||
// - Brett
|
||
"\"All she needs to do is step on me\"",
|
||
// - Brett
|
||
"\"Fuck toy\"",
|
||
// - Brett, on accident
|
||
"\"This is Hell, they are all prostitutes.\"",
|
||
// - Jordyn
|
||
"\"Isn't an asshole like a brass instrument?\"",
|
||
// - Jordyn
|
||
"\"Sir, this is an M32 grenade launcher\"",
|
||
// - Jacob https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJRkFLFnv3c
|
||
"\"OHNO!\"",
|
||
// - Jacob
|
||
"\"Much edge\"",
|
||
// - Jacob
|
||
"\"Ranked sudoku\"",
|
||
// - Jacob
|
||
"\"Oh it's a bear\"",
|
||
// - Lea, moments before being mauled by a grizzly bear
|
||
"\"Double-bitched out of love~\"",
|
||
// - Lea
|
||
"\"I'm in danger!\"",
|
||
// - At least four of us, constantly shittalking
|
||
"\"He got cancer and became a Nazi\"",
|
||
// - Carson
|
||
"\"I died twice, but I only died once\"",
|
||
// - Carson
|
||
"\"Sir, this is a 7-11\"",
|
||
// - Carson
|
||
"\"Jumanji\"",
|
||
// - Carson?
|
||
"\"Who's Adobe?\"",
|
||
// - Carson
|
||
"\"Weird hour-having fucks\"",
|
||
// - Carson
|
||
"\"Leonidas is a disease\"",
|
||
// - Syd
|
||
"\"Calories don't have vegetables\"",
|
||
// - Syd
|
||
"\"Cancer is basically a kid\"",
|
||
// - Syd
|
||
"\"I'm gonna fart. I'm gonna-\"",
|
||
// - Tex of BPL, just before he farts medical into the next universe
|
||
"\"Fixing PHP is like coming home\"",
|
||
// - JE
|
||
"\"Now the Nazi party thinks I'm their little pogchamp\"",
|
||
// - Jacob, after I said he's my little pogchamp
|
||
"\"Fuck you, I had three ass surgeries!\"",
|
||
// - Jacob
|
||
"\"They're children you thirsty whores\"",
|
||
// - Sam
|
||
"\"Pichu is illegal\"",
|
||
// - Sam
|
||
"\"DEDEDE FUCKS\"",
|
||
// - Sam
|
||
"\"Imagine 'Blades of Glory' but they fuck\"",
|
||
// - Also Sam
|
||
"\"There's no D in BDSM\"",
|
||
// - Rachael
|
||
"\"Beans fuck\"",
|
||
// - Preston
|
||
"\"So that's 9/11\"",
|
||
// - Lena
|
||
"God dammit, Sam",
|
||
"God dammit, Jacob",
|
||
"God dammit",
|
||
"Cancer sucks. 0/10",
|
||
"Depression's alright. 3/10",
|
||
"[cat scratching at door]",
|
||
"[dog barks in the distance]",
|
||
"[duvet plays in the distance]",
|
||
"[vocaloid plays in the distance]",
|
||
"[forge crashes in the distance]",
|
||
"[ansible noises]",
|
||
"[powerline noises]",
|
||
"[cyberpunk jazz noises]",
|
||
"[satire intensifies]",
|
||
"[maniacal laughter]",
|
||
"[laughter, then disappointment]",
|
||
"I'm a professional, trust me",
|
||
"Nobody's a professional",
|
||
"PM_ME_ANSIBLE_ROLES",
|
||
"PM_ME_SUBTITLE_IDEAS",
|
||
"PM_ME_BOTANIA_SETUPS",
|
||
"PM_ME_IM_LONELY",
|
||
"Not to be confused with plan 9",
|
||
"Not to be confused with 9front",
|
||
"The front fell off",
|
||
"4th edition",
|
||
"5th edition with author's notes",
|
||
"Mr. Worldwide edition",
|
||
"Nobody reads this edition",
|
||
"Random subtitles edition",
|
||
"Shenanigans edition",
|
||
"Using PHP for shitty jokes edition",
|
||
"No backing database edition",
|
||
"Motherfucking website edition",
|
||
"Licensed under MIT edition",
|
||
"Absolutely no scripts edition",
|
||
"Now SFW edition",
|
||
"NSFW edition?",
|
||
"NSFW edition"
|
||
);
|
||
$message = $subtitles[array_rand($subtitles, 1)];
|
||
echo "$message";
|
||
?>
|