diff --git a/CharacterBodies.txt b/CharacterBodies.txt
index a377bf4..248b365 100644
--- a/CharacterBodies.txt
+++ b/CharacterBodies.txt
@@ -2,56 +2,56 @@
 	strings:
 	{
 	//[NULL]
-	"NULL_SUBTITLE": "Horde of Many",
-	"DEFAULT_SKIN" : "Default",
+	"NULL_SUBTITLE": "A Lot",
+	"DEFAULT_SKIN" : "Whatever",
 
-	"ELITE_MODIFIER_FIRE": "Blazing {0}",
-	"ELITE_MODIFIER_LIGHTNING": "Overloading {0}",
-	"ELITE_MODIFIER_ICE": "Glacial {0}",
-	"ELITE_MODIFIER_POISON" : "Malachite {0}",
-	"ELITE_MODIFIER_HAUNTED" : "Celestine {0}",
-	"ELITE_MODIFIER_ECHO" : "Annihilator {0}",
-	"ELITE_MODIFIER_LUNAR" : "Perfected {0}",
+	"ELITE_MODIFIER_FIRE": "{0} but Hot",
+	"ELITE_MODIFIER_LIGHTNING": "{0} but with Zeus",
+	"ELITE_MODIFIER_ICE": "{0} but Cold",
+	"ELITE_MODIFIER_POISON" : "{0} but REALLY BAD",
+	"ELITE_MODIFIER_HAUNTED" : "{0} but Hard to See",
+	"ELITE_MODIFIER_ECHO" : "{0} but with the Annihilator Beam",
+	"ELITE_MODIFIER_LUNAR" : "{0} but with Shield",
 	
-	"BODY_MODIFIER_DOPPELGANGER": "Umbra of {0}",
+	"BODY_MODIFIER_DOPPELGANGER": "The Cooler {0}",
 	"BODY_MODIFIER_ECHO": "{0} ",
 
 	//[CHARACTER]
-	"COMMANDO_BODY_NAME": "Commando",
-	"COMMANDO_BODY_SUBTITLE" : "Cornered Gunslinger",
-	"COMMANDO_PRIMARY_NAME": "Double Tap",
-	"COMMANDO_PRIMARY_DESCRIPTION" : "Rapidly shoot an enemy for <style=cIsDamage>100% damage</style>.",
-	"COMMANDO_SECONDARY_NAME": "Phase Round",
-	"COMMANDO_SECONDARY_DESCRIPTION" : "Fire a <style=cIsDamage>piercing</style> bullet for <style=cIsDamage>300% damage</style>. Deals <style=cIsDamage>40%</style> more damage every time it passes through an enemy.",
-	"COMMANDO_SECONDARY_ALT1_NAME": "Phase Blast",
-	"COMMANDO_SECONDARY_ALT1_DESCRIPTION" : "Fire two close-range blasts that deal <style=cIsDamage>8x200% damage</style> total.",
-	"COMMANDO_UTILITY_NAME": "Tactical Dive",
-	"COMMANDO_UTILITY_DESCRIPTION" : "<style=cIsUtility>Roll</style> a short distance.",
-	"COMMANDO_UTILITY_ALT_NAME": "Tactical Slide",
-	"COMMANDO_UTILITY_ALT_DESCRIPTION" : "<style=cIsUtility>Slide</style> on the ground for a short distance. You can <style=cIsDamage>fire while sliding</style>.",
-	"COMMANDO_SPECIAL_NAME": "Suppressive Fire",
-	"COMMANDO_SPECIAL_DESCRIPTION" : "<style=cIsDamage>Stunning</style>. Fire repeatedly for <style=cIsDamage>100% damage</style> per bullet. The number of shots increases with attack speed.",
-	"COMMANDO_SPECIAL_ALT1_NAME": "Frag Grenade",
-	"COMMANDO_SPECIAL_ALT1_DESCRIPTION" : "Throw a grenade that explodes for <style=cIsDamage>700% damage</style>. Can hold up to 2.",
+	"COMMANDO_BODY_NAME": "Man",
+	"COMMANDO_BODY_SUBTITLE" : "No Longer the Rooty Tooty",
+	"COMMANDO_PRIMARY_NAME": "I'VE GOT A GUN",
+	"COMMANDO_PRIMARY_DESCRIPTION" : "Stand name: <style=cIsDamage>GUN</style>.",
+	"COMMANDO_SECONDARY_NAME": "Kapew",
+	"COMMANDO_SECONDARY_DESCRIPTION" : "Collateral",
+	"COMMANDO_SECONDARY_ALT1_NAME": "I Put Buckshot in my Five-Seven",
+	"COMMANDO_SECONDARY_ALT1_DESCRIPTION" : "This can't <style=cIsDamage>possibly</style> go wrong.",
+	"COMMANDO_UTILITY_NAME": "[Hedgehog noises]",
+	"COMMANDO_UTILITY_DESCRIPTION" : "<style=cIsUtility>WoHAh, ChiLi DOgS!</style>",
+	"COMMANDO_UTILITY_ALT_NAME": "Vanquish",
+	"COMMANDO_UTILITY_ALT_DESCRIPTION" : "You can slide <style=cIsUtility>in a circle</style>.",
+	"COMMANDO_SPECIAL_NAME": "\"Accuracy by Volume\"",
+	"COMMANDO_SPECIAL_DESCRIPTION" : "It costs <style=cIsDamage>$400,000</style> <style=cStack>(scales with time)</style> to fire this weapon for <style=cIsDamage>12</style> seconds <style=cStack>(+1 second per stack)</style>.",
+	"COMMANDO_SPECIAL_ALT1_NAME": "Gernard",
+	"COMMANDO_SPECIAL_ALT1_DESCRIPTION" : "Granata",
 
-	"COMMANDO_DESCRIPTION": "The Commando is a jack-of-all-trades character that is reliable in all situations of the game. <style=cSub>\r\n\r\n< ! > Double Tap is powerful at both short and long range, firing quickly and activating many item effects.\r\n\r\n< ! > Effective use of his Tactical Dive is key to dodging heavily telegraphed attacks.\r\n\r\n< ! > Suppressive Fire can be used to repeatedly stun a single enemy, or stun a group.\r\n\r\n< ! > Phase Rounds can pass through walls - use that to your advantage!\r\n<\/style>\r\n",
-	"COMMANDO_SKIN_ALT1_NAME" : "Hornet",
-	"COMMANDO_BODY_LORE": "The soldier ducked, barely getting under cover as the wall behind him exploded. His head was pounding - his muscles aching. But now was not the time for rest.\r\n\r\nHe counted the seconds. The mounted missile launchers always took a few seconds to recalibrate, and if he took advantage of that time...\r\n\r\nThrough the sounds of gunfire and chaos, he heard a small click as the enemy missile platform prepared for a second strike. Recognizing his opportunity, the soldier jumped up from behind the wall and fired his pistol, landing a shot straight between the eyes of the platform\u2019s operator. \r\n\r\nHis shoulders tightened as he braced for recoil: now was not the time for rest. Glancing down the battlefield, there were only a few more enemy platforms to take, and this front would be secured.\r\n\r\nBut before he could move to join his platoon, he received a notification on the heads-up display in his helmet.\r\n\r\n<style=cMono>YOU HAVE BEEN REASSIGNED. REPORT TO COMMAND FOR YOUR NEW ASSIGNMENT.<\/style>\r\n\r\nLooks like the time to rest wasn\u2019t coming any time soon.\r\n",
+	"COMMANDO_DESCRIPTION": "In the beginning, there was Man.\r\n\r\n<style=cIsHealing>PROTIP:</style> To kill the lemurian, shoot at it until it dies.",
+	"COMMANDO_SKIN_ALT1_NAME" : "Air Guy",
+	"COMMANDO_BODY_LORE": "The soldier ducked, barely getting under cover as the wall behind him exploded. His head was pounding - his muscles aching. But now was not the time for rest.\r\n\r\nHe counted the seconds. The mounted missile launchers always took a few seconds to recalibrate, and if he took advantage of that time...\r\n\r\nThrough the sounds of gunfire and chaos, he heard a small click as the enemy missile platform prepared for a second strike. Recognizing his opportunity, the soldier jumped up from behind the wall and fired his pistol, landing a shot straight between the eyes of the platform\u2019s operator. \r\n\r\nHis shoulders tightened as he braced for recoil: now was not the time for rest. Glancing down the battlefield, there were only a few more enemy platforms to take, and this front would be secured.\r\n\r\nBut before he could move to join his platoon, he received a notification on the heads-up display in his helmet.\r\n\r\n<style=cMono>COCK AND BALL TORTURE. FROM WIKIPEDIA, THE FREE ENCYCLOPEDIA. COCK AND BALL TORTURE...<\/style>\r\n\r\nLooks like the time to rest wasn\u2019t coming any time soon.\r\n",
 
-	"MERC_BODY_NAME": "Mercenary",
-	"MERC_BODY_SUBTITLE" : "Hired Blade",
-	"MERC_PRIMARY_NAME": "Laser Sword",
-	"MERC_PRIMARY_DESCRIPTION" : "<style=cIsUtility>Agile</style>. Slice in front for <style=cIsDamage>130% damage</style>. Every 3rd hit strikes in a greater area and <style=cIsUtility>Exposes</style> enemies.",
-	"MERC_SECONDARY_NAME": "Whirlwind",
-	"MERC_SECONDARY_DESCRIPTION" : "Quickly slice horizontally twice, dealing <style=cIsDamage>2x200% damage</style>. If airborne, slice vertically instead.",
-	"MERC_SECONDARY_ALT1_NAME": "Rising Thunder",
-	"MERC_SECONDARY_ALT1_DESCRIPTION" : "Unleash a slicing uppercut, dealing <style=cIsDamage>450% damage</style> and sending you airborne.",
-	"MERC_UTILITY_NAME": "Blinding Assault",
-	"MERC_UTILITY_DESCRIPTION" : "<style=cIsDamage>Stunning</style>. Dash forward, dealing <style=cIsDamage>300% damage</style>. If you hit an enemy, <style=cIsDamage>you can dash again</style>, up to <style=cIsDamage>3</style> total.",
+	"MERC_BODY_NAME": "Samurai Jack",
+	"MERC_BODY_SUBTITLE" : "Foolish Samurai",
+	"MERC_PRIMARY_NAME": "Gotta Get Back",
+	"MERC_PRIMARY_DESCRIPTION" : "Back to the past. <style=cIsDamage>Samurai Jack</style>.",
+	"MERC_SECONDARY_NAME": "Speeeeeen",
+	"MERC_SECONDARY_DESCRIPTION" : "Speee<style=cIsDamage>HEEEEeee</style>eeeen.",
+	"MERC_SECONDARY_ALT1_NAME": "Shoryuken",
+	"MERC_SECONDARY_ALT1_DESCRIPTION" : "Something something still Sam. <style=cStack>(If Sam reads this out loud, immediately Gulag him without warning)</style>",
+	"MERC_UTILITY_NAME": "Yeet",
+	"MERC_UTILITY_DESCRIPTION" : "Balls hit the floor.",
 	"MERC_UTILITY_ALT1_NAME": "Focused Assault",
 	"MERC_UTILITY_ALT1_DESCRIPTION" : "<style=cIsDamage>Stunning</style>. Dash forward, dealing <style=cIsDamage>700% damage</style> and <style=cIsUtility>Exposing</style> enemies after <style=cIsUtility>1 second</style>.",
-	"MERC_SPECIAL_NAME": "Eviscerate",
-	"MERC_SPECIAL_DESCRIPTION" : "Target the nearest enemy, attacking them for <style=cIsDamage>110% damage</style> repeatedly. <style=cIsUtility>You cannot be hit for the duration</style>.",
+	"MERC_SPECIAL_NAME": "MERC_SPECIAL_NO_SKILL_NAME",
+	"MERC_SPECIAL_DESCRIPTION" : "Become literally invincible. Requires <style=cIsUtility>0%</style> skill.",
 	"MERC_SPECIAL_ALT1_NAME": "Slicing Winds",
 	"MERC_SPECIAL_ALT1_DESCRIPTION" : "Fire a wind of blades that attack up to <style=cIsDamage>3</style> enemies for <style=cIsDamage>8x100% damage</style>. The last hit <style=cIsUtility>Exposes</style> enemies.",
 	"MERC_BODY_LORE": "The europian noble paced around in his chambers, nervously glancing at the antique clock adorning his wall. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.\r\n\r\nThe riots had been escalating and showed no signs of slowing down. Effigies burned, statues were torn down, and countless politicians turned their backs on the once-prestigious nobility of Europa. The people have had enough. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.\r\n\r\nIt was only a matter of time\u2013 either the noble would have to flee, or the mob would finally breach the palace. Even his bodyguards began to show signs of betrayal. Time, the noble thought, was something he did not have. The antique clock kept ticking, working upon the noble\u2019s mind. Keeping him distracted - just long enough. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.\r\n\r\nAnd as the antique clock kept ticking, the noble\u2019s body hit the floor. The Mercenary sheathed his blade. His footsteps were unheard as he left the palace\u2013 masked by the rhythmic ticking of the clock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.",
@@ -424,4 +424,4 @@
 	"SKILL_GENERIC_CANCEL_NAME" : "Cancel",
 	"SKILL_GENERIC_CANCEL_DESCRIPTION" : "Cancel the skill.",
 	}
-}
\ No newline at end of file
+}