diff --git a/Objectives.txt b/Objectives.txt
index 07dc46d..e60ae2f 100755
--- a/Objectives.txt
+++ b/Objectives.txt
@@ -1,17 +1,17 @@
 {
 	"strings":
 	{
-		"OBJECTIVE_TITLE" : "Objective:",
-		"OBJECTIVE_FIND_TELEPORTER": "Find and activate the <style=cDeath>Teleporter <sprite name=\"TP\" tint=1></style>",
-		"OBJECTIVE_CHARGE_TELEPORTER": "Charge the <style=cDeath>Teleporter <sprite name=\"TP\" tint=1></style> ({0}%)",
-		"OBJECTIVE_CHARGE_TELEPORTER_OOB": "Enter the <style=cDeath>Teleporter zone!</style> ({0}%)",
-		"OBJECTIVE_FINISH_TELEPORTER": "Proceed through the <style=cDeath>Teleporter <sprite name=\"TP\" tint=1></style>",
-		"OBJECTIVE_DEFEAT_BOSS": "Defeat the boss!",
-		"OBJECTIVE_GOLDSHORES_ACTIVATE_BEACONS" :  "Rebuild the Halcyon Beacons({0}/{1})",
-		"OBJECTIVE_GOLDSHORES_DEFEAT_BOSS" :  "Defeat {0},{1}",
-		"OBJECTIVE_WEEKLYRUN_DESTROY_CRYSTALS" : "Destroy <color=#f37aff>Time Crystals</color> ({0}/{1})",
-		"OBJECTIVE_CLEAR_ARENA" : "Activate all Cell Vents ({0}/{1})",
-		"OBJECTIVE_ARENA_CHARGE_CELL" : "Breach the Cell ({0}%)",
-		"OBJECTIVE_SELFDESTRUCT_ESCAPE" : "Moon Detonation Imminent",
+		"OBJECTIVE_TITLE" : "Gotta:",
+		"OBJECTIVE_FIND_TELEPORTER": "Get the <style=cDeath>fuck out <sprite name=\"TP\" tint=1></style>",
+		"OBJECTIVE_CHARGE_TELEPORTER": "Charge the <style=cDeath>fuck <sprite name=\"TP\" tint=1></style> ({0}%)",
+		"OBJECTIVE_CHARGE_TELEPORTER_OOB": "<style=cDeath>GET BACK TO THE BATTLEFIELD</style> ({0}%)",
+		"OBJECTIVE_FINISH_TELEPORTER": "<style=cDeath>Do it again <sprite name=\"TP\" tint=1></style>",
+		"OBJECTIVE_DEFEAT_BOSS": "GET 'IM, BOYS",
+		"OBJECTIVE_GOLDSHORES_ACTIVATE_BEACONS" :  "Cook bacon ({0}/{1})",
+		"OBJECTIVE_GOLDSHORES_DEFEAT_BOSS" :  "Game end {0}, {1}",
+		"OBJECTIVE_WEEKLYRUN_DESTROY_CRYSTALS" : "Boop <color=#f37aff>purble rocks</color> ({0}/{1})",
+		"OBJECTIVE_CLEAR_ARENA" : "Fill doggo food bowls ({0}/{1})",
+		"OBJECTIVE_ARENA_CHARGE_CELL" : "Fill doggy dish ({0}%)",
+		"OBJECTIVE_SELFDESTRUCT_ESCAPE" : "OH FUCK HE'S GONNA BLOW UP THE GODDAMN MOON",
 	}
 }