From abfa21030362a7fc0e8c0b5986b20c562ed3ad50 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: Salt <rehashedsalt@cock.li>
Date: Sun, 16 Aug 2020 06:55:34 -0500
Subject: [PATCH] Add shitty subtitles back

---
 src/common-header.php   |   5 +-
 src/common-subtitle.php | 179 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 styles/styles.css       |  12 ++-
 3 files changed, 191 insertions(+), 5 deletions(-)
 create mode 100644 src/common-subtitle.php

diff --git a/src/common-header.php b/src/common-header.php
index 1899370..648f36d 100644
--- a/src/common-header.php
+++ b/src/common-header.php
@@ -1,7 +1,10 @@
 <div class="header">
 	<a href="/" class="logocontainer">
 		<img class="logo" src="/logo.png" alt="some form of animu" width=384 height=384 />
-		<h1>9iron.club</h1>
+		<span>
+			<h1>9iron.club</h1>
+			<p class="nomobile"><?php include $_SERVER['DOCUMENT_ROOT'].'/src/common-subtitle.php';?></p>
+		</span>
 	</a>
 	<nav class="navbar">
 		<ul>
diff --git a/src/common-subtitle.php b/src/common-subtitle.php
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..7fdc736
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/common-subtitle.php
@@ -0,0 +1,179 @@
+<?php
+	$subtitles = array(
+		// Press F to pay respects
+		"For those afflicted",
+		"We don't fuck dragons",
+		// F
+		"cowfee",
+		"gween tea",
+		"You shot it into the fucking sand",
+		"Your ball's in the lake",
+		"It's in the fucking trees, Mike",
+		"I don't even play golf",
+		"7-Wood was too obscure",
+		"We don't go to 8iron",
+		"Hits like a gravity hammer",
+		"Try it on mobile",
+		"Please don't try it on mobile",
+		// The joke is I'm not on Facebook and never have
+		// har har
+		"Find me on Facebook",
+		"I wanna be the guy",
+		"I <3 cockmail",
+		"Five is right out",
+		"Lorem ipsum suck my dick",
+		"foo",
+		"Test subtitle please ignore",
+		"Hit me up on fedi",
+		"suya..",
+		"Pour one out for welovela.in",
+		"We all love Lain",
+		"玲音",
+		"レイン",
+		"ＬＡＩＮ",
+		"I'll play Risk of Rain 2 any day",
+		"Feelin' pretty fresh workin' nights",
+		"Leopard geckos are cute",
+		"Finally, a good fucking subtitle",
+		"Will shitpost for attention",
+		"Will shitpost for literally nothing",
+		"Will write HTML for attention",
+		"Maybe one day",
+		"Test bed for chaos",
+		"Botania best mod. Fight me.",
+		"KingLemming is awesome",
+		"asie knows what he's talking about",
+		"Redigit is an amazing studio",
+		"Great Barrier Reef",
+		"This match is just about over",
+		"Better change tactics",
+		"honk.wmv",
+		"bomk",
+		"guys literally only want one thing",
+		"Dame da ne~!",
+		"You can't look up with your tongue out",
+		"ばかみたい",
+		"Smug animu",
+		"wan",
+		"Touch fluffy tail",
+		"Hard to find",
+		"Tiny Little Adiantum",
+		"Night of Nights",
+		"Marisa stole the precious thing",
+		"Clown best tofu",
+		"It's gonna be alright",
+		"P.E.T.R.O.L. is a great song",
+		"Rest in RIP, WipEout",
+		"Get out of my face",
+		"You are smart",
+		"You aren't smart",
+		"Firefox takes 8MB to render this page",
+		"I think this site was worth the effort",
+		"This site was not worth the effort",
+		"At some point I'm gonna redo the CSS here",
+		"I've already redone the CSS like 3 times",
+		"Discord's pinning a core right now",
+		"Slack's pinning a core right now",
+		"gcc's pinning all of my cores right now",
+		"Steam's choking my link right now",
+		"Larry Ellison needs a new goddamn boat",
+		"Like tears in rain",
+		"Like a lizard",
+		"Shave and a haircut",
+		"Lain in a bear suit",
+		"Let's get this out onto a tray. Nice. Mmkay.",
+		"This space intentionally left blank",
+		"",
+		"Banned in Australia",
+		"Banned in Australia(?)",
+		"I want a PSP again",
+		"Anybody remember Dark Alex?",
+		"5.00-M33",
+		"0xDEADBEEF",
+		"0xBEEFBEEF",
+		"0xBEEEEEEF",
+		"0xBEF",
+		"My Switch runs Linux",
+		"StackOverflow is the best",
+		"StackOverflow is the worst",
+		"Don't go overboard",
+		"God I hate reddit",
+		"Bert",
+		"ディスコード", // Discordo, case you were wondering
+		"disukodo",
+		"\"it says discordo\"",
+		"\"Nice.\"",
+		// - Me, all the fucking time
+		"\"Is that THE Simon Belmont Castlevania?\"",
+		// - Me, irritating Sam
+		"laddr",
+		// - Brett
+		"\"Sir, this is an M32 grenade launcher\"",
+		// - Jacob https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJRkFLFnv3c
+		"\"OHNO!\"",
+		// - Jacob
+		"\"Much edge\"",
+		// - Jacob
+		"\"I'm in danger!\"",
+		// - At least four of us, constantly shittalking
+		"\"He got cancer and became a Nazi\"",
+		// - Carson
+		"\"I died twice, but I only died once\"",
+		// - Carson
+		"\"Sir, this is a 7-11\"",
+		// - Carson
+		"\"Jumanji\"",
+		// - Carson?
+		"\"Who's Adobe?\"",
+		// - Carson
+		"\"Weird hour-having fucks\"",
+		// - Carson
+		"\"Leonidas is a disease\"",
+		// - Syd
+		"\"Calories don't have vegetables\"",
+		// - Syd
+		"\"Cancer is basically a kid\"",
+		// - Syd
+		"\"I'm gonna fart. I'm gonna-\"",
+		// - Tex of BPL, just before he farts medical into the next universe
+		"God dammit, Sam",
+		"God dammit, Jacob",
+		"Cancer sucks. 0/10",
+		"Depression's alright. 3/10",
+		"[cat scratching at door]",
+		"[dog barks in the distance]",
+		"[duvet plays in the distance]",
+		"[vocaloid plays in the distance]",
+		"[forge crashes in the distance]",
+		"[ansible noises]",
+		"[powerline noises]",
+		"[cyberpunk jazz noises]",
+		"[satire intensifies]",
+		"[maniacal laughter]",
+		"[laughter, then disappointment]",
+		"I'm a professional, trust me",
+		"Nobody's a professional",
+		"PM_ME_ANSIBLE_ROLES",
+		"PM_ME_SUBTITLE_IDEAS",
+		"PM_ME_BOTANIA_SETUPS",
+		"PM_ME_IM_LONELY",
+		"Not to be confused with plan 9",
+		"Not to be confused with 9front",
+		"The front fell off",
+		"4th edition",
+		"5th edition with author's notes",
+		"Mr. Worldwide edition",
+		"Nobody reads this edition",
+		"Random subtitles edition",
+		"Shenanigans edition",
+		"Using PHP for shitty jokes edition",
+		"No backing database edition",
+		"Motherfucking website edition",
+		"Licensed under MIT edition",
+		"Now SFW edition",
+		"NSFW edition?",
+		"NSFW edition"
+	);
+	$message = $subtitles[array_rand($subtitles, 1)];
+	echo "$message";
+?>
diff --git a/styles/styles.css b/styles/styles.css
index d71a36c..6f59f53 100644
--- a/styles/styles.css
+++ b/styles/styles.css
@@ -90,21 +90,25 @@ img.bigimg {
 	box-shadow: 0 5px var(--shadow);
 }
 .logocontainer {
-	display: block;
+	align-items: center;
+	display: flex;
+	justify-content: center;
 	padding: 1em 0;
-	text-align: center;
 }
 .logo {
 	border-radius: 50%;
-	height: auto;
+	height: 64px;
 	vertical-align: middle;
-	margin: 0;
+	margin: 0 1em;
 	max-width: 64px;
 }
 .header h1 {
 	display: inline;
 	margin: 0;
 }
+.header p {
+	margin: 0;
+}
 .header nav ul {
 	list-style-type: none;
 	margin: 0;